pirates, skulls and bones. sticks and stones and weed and bombs.

i recently joined the "i'm on M.I.A.'s nuts" gang after i heard this song. A+ times 8402385298593 for M.I.A. sexy spandex pants.





love how MTV fucks it up for everyone though....




adeus.

way to start your day.

check out the new aerobics video i copped from the market.

feel the burn.




adeus.

and so it is, just like you said it would be.

i slept on the couch last night. i wasn't upset or angry towards my boyfriend. i just wanted to be by myself... it was a strange feeling, but i enjoyed it? i should just check myself into a nut house, shouldn't i! aghh...i never felt that way before. and usually when people are "in love", sleeping together is something that is sentimental and enjoyable. suddenly strange..

we watched the season finale of "i love new york 2" the other night, and i kept finding myself being highly jealous of new york. i was jealous of how these clowns would cater to her every need and endure her fierce verbal abuse.. of course i was aware that these people were being paid to play a role, but i still wanted that! not to slap around and curse out these young men, but to feel cherished and to feel like i am something/someone to them. i am unsatisfied.

in conclusion, i slept on the couch because i did not feel a sense of belonging in that bed. i did not feel anything in that room he was sleeping in nor the house that we are both in. but i only felt the love for myself to know not to sleep with someone who does not love you or not sleep with someone you are not in love with...


bitter and so sour i can be.





until next time.....

adeus.

reality check

i got flat tire.. effffffffffff the world for giving me a flat tire!!!!!!!


ADEUS!

porcelain......are you wasting away in your skin?

SAN DIAAGO!!!!
good lord am i homesick! i can't wait to see my family, eat a home cooked meal and to be with my friends. i was really upset today. i was really upset that i can't cook as great as my lola! i was really upset that i couldn't pick on my brother like how i use to every 5 minutes of the day! i was really upset that i couldn't grab a cup of joe or tea or boba with my awesome friends while we smoke a yose and make of fun of the silliest shit. i was really upset that i wasn't home.

i don't want it to seem like i do not appreciate living in san francisco! but the location is nothing without the people.. and those people for me are about 600 miles away. don't get me wrong, there are many interesting, friendly people here. but they can never compare to the ones that mean the most to me.

thank god i have anjo! him and sid are the only traces of my SD antiquity. it's always fun to reminisce with them, but that can't always be the base of conversation...ya know? aagggggghhhhhh...

good thing i will be visiting there for a while!!! it will be a good time for me to recollect and remember my roots. and eat, and feel loved, and feel how it is to have true, long-life friends, and eat some more.


I CAN NOT WAIT YA BITCHES!!!!!!!



until next time...

adeus.

time has certainly past..

hola! so it is my pleasure to be on here once again to update this blog and to entertain any of the readers that are out there...and i highly doubt there are..but i have totally forgot about this thing until i came across my friend's blog. now she hasn't updated hers since last year july. so i thought to myself, "do i really want to do that? discontinue my typed memories on this thing that will probably last for decades and on forth, until internet goes obsolete? do i really not want to look back on this blog 20 years from now and laugh at all my epiphanies and emotions i had back then?" i obviously answered no since i am updating this thing! and to be honest..it feels great!

well, i have not much to say except that i have moved to another location. but this time it is in the city! i have a new job that i really enjoy. and it has been 1 year and 11 months since my boyfriend and i have been together! yummy!

now it is time for me to indulge my appetite with a bowl of cereal while i engage myself into some t.v. or movie drama.

until next time...which i promise to make very soon....

adeus.

it's been a long time.

wow have things changed. i have so much to say, but such little time. i just felt compelled to write something in here, considering the fact that it has been a couple of months. i just didn't want my readers to think that i had ended my relationship with them. haha! i shouldn't flatter myself to that extent. but like i said, such little, little time i have! until next time...


adeus.

once again

i hate her. i hate everything about her. i hate how i envy her. i hate how he thinks she's beautiful. i hate her voice. i hate her hair. i hate the way she acts sooo fake with me. I HATE HER.

i can't believe i put myself into this shitty position of making it inevitable for me to see her at MY house at any time. i am inexplicably frustrated and find myself looking for reasons to not go outside and smash her face in. but of course, i stay in my corner of the room, trying to let this pass. it doesn't help also the fact that the boyfriend is sleeping.

i don't understand why i cant over this bitch. i guess i enjoy hating her. it upsets me because i wish not to be so immature about this situation and should know better than to hate someone for their past. i just cant do it. i cringe from the sound of her voice. my blood boils from the sight of her caked-on face. i really wish i dealt wit her a long time ago instead of letting it slide.

once again, i am unhappy.



fuck that bitch.


adeus.

i'm on your back

things are slowly falling into place. but this time, i have learned to appreciate everything that comes my way. bad or good. life is gooooooood.

aaaghhh...my dog is getting soooo big! now i know how it feels to be a parent. well, not really. but i do feel that he's growing up too fast.

for a second, i was thinking about giving him away. i know, i know..why would i do such a thing. its called "stress" and the last thing i would want to do is neglect the poor thing.

maaaan, fuck that! look at him! would you give him up?...i don't think soooo.

he's the other man in my life, FiLLMO' $LiM.


as for the other man in my life, we are great. he once again made me feel like its our first time for everything in our relationship. mmm, i love getting the butterflies when i think of him. it really lightens up my day....and makes my panties wet. HA! sike! well...you know what i mean.

so i'm going to san diego aaaaand i'm pretty nervous. i don't know if i am just anxious to devour ten tons of authentic mexican food or if i am just scared that i will want to stay in SD. whooooooo knoooows.

you have to forgive me, but i am just too lazy to type everything that is going on as of right now. i think that is why i was soo hesitant to start one of these. i do not remain to maintain. ugh...i should become a rapper since i can rhyme involuntarily.

lethargic-ness = no blogging.
i'll update you guys next time...

maybe.




adeus.

break up to make up

what are you highs and lows?

lows:
-i'm still sick.
-i'm tired of opening the store every day.
-i didn't sell anything :(
-it started raining on my shopping day.

highs:
-the person i mentioned in my previous blog, finally gave me the closure i need to get over my insecurities.
-i brought lunch to work instead of contributing more money to my fast food binge.
-my lung infection is slowly decreasing.
-i haven't smoked for almost about 2 weeks.
-gained mental clarity.


sometimes you need to break up to make up. SIKE. last night though...inexplicable. and i'm saying that in a negative way. thinking that blogging my emotions away would help relieve some tension only contributed to my aggression. i seriously went off the deep end and said many things that i did not mean.

it is funny how when a person is so upset and hurt that they resort to saying irrelevant, rude things to those they feel are patronizing him or her. the person is completely conscious of what they are saying and yet they still feel compelled to say things that are wrong.

well that was all him and i last night. <--is that correct grammar?

good thing is, we finally got over blaming one another and admit to our faults. hopefully the context of the previous blog will be the first and last time to be posted up on here.

soooo, this is day two of my experience with blogging. so far, i feel like an idiot typing all this nonsense. it is similar to how you would feel if someone caught you talking to yourself. and not just any talking, like verbally relaying messages to yourself. i'm talking about full on deep conversation with yourself. wouldn't you feel dumb if someone were to catch you in the act of verbally elating with yourself? well that's how i feel now.

and yet...i like it.

until we meet again.....

adeus.

im new.

hi. this is sort of foreign to me because i usually just keep thoughts to myself but i couldn't resist. after reading a blog from someone who meant a lot to me, i felt compelled to pour my feelings out onto the keyboard, hoping i can gain some kind of relief.

he talked about how beautiful she is. he described his sorrow from being away from her. he depicted his admiration of her personality. he secretly and unintentionally revealed that he loved this girl. funny how this blog was posted on OCTOBER 05, 2006. now you must wonder why i find this so amusing; we began dating in OCTOBER. we began what i thought was a sincere, miraculous journey towards a potential, hopeful relationship.

i'm confused because he gave me the impression that i was walking into his life without him having any attachments. i thought that he was content with life and i was just a positive add on. instead, i'm the distraction. a rebound.

so this is mainly the reason why i started this blog. not all that fecal matter that just typed. but the fact that i have no one else to turn to. no one to fully trust. see on here, you will never know my name, or the people i talk about. unless i deliberately send you this link. but for everyone else, this is basically something you'll find yourself reading when you are at work or school, dying from boredom.

until next time...

adeus.