and so it is, just like you said it would be.

i slept on the couch last night. i wasn't upset or angry towards my boyfriend. i just wanted to be by myself... it was a strange feeling, but i enjoyed it? i should just check myself into a nut house, shouldn't i! aghh...i never felt that way before. and usually when people are "in love", sleeping together is something that is sentimental and enjoyable. suddenly strange..

we watched the season finale of "i love new york 2" the other night, and i kept finding myself being highly jealous of new york. i was jealous of how these clowns would cater to her every need and endure her fierce verbal abuse.. of course i was aware that these people were being paid to play a role, but i still wanted that! not to slap around and curse out these young men, but to feel cherished and to feel like i am something/someone to them. i am unsatisfied.

in conclusion, i slept on the couch because i did not feel a sense of belonging in that bed. i did not feel anything in that room he was sleeping in nor the house that we are both in. but i only felt the love for myself to know not to sleep with someone who does not love you or not sleep with someone you are not in love with...


bitter and so sour i can be.





until next time.....

adeus.