i can't afford to not record.

sometimes, i sit in the women store of my work and stare out the window. from walking on the sun to what i had answered on questions from my midterm, i think about a large amount of things. for today's session, i thought about my life and where i am at on my goal list.. and now my heart and pride are broken. i have not attained any of my goals within the past 6 months. yes, i became manager of my store. yes, i have moved to a decent apartment. but those were not any of my goals. i am slowly setting myself up for failure in most of my classes and my work has already initiated the process where personal life is nonexistent for me. i am seriously losing it. and i am seriously disappointed...in myself.

i refuse to give up. this IS merely a bump in my road. nothing more, nothing less. i can do this. i know i can. i just need to snap out of it. that's all.

you can see your destination and yet it is sooo far.

adeus.

it may not be the right time, i may not be the right one...

i try. i try so hard that i can feel my blood boil from frustration. and yet, here i am. lonelier than i have ever been. so upset and very ashamed of what we have conspired within the past couple of days. and the crazy thing about all of this..is that i miss you. or maybe i miss what you used to be. i don't know. like you said, i don't know what i want. and you're right. i don't even know how i feel about us anymore. i just keep hoping and wishing and praying that something, someone can save US. but that's it. why should i have to resort to something other than us? it is apparent that you and i can not be a "we". it's just not the right time... and maybe you're not the right one. but... like the song says... there is something about us. sometimes i wish there wasn't. and as much as you think that i need to calm down and not be so serious.. how can i not when i am seriously in love with god knows what anymore. i'm in love with what we had and you are doing something that leads me to believe that we have a trying chance! i can't do this to myself anymore. nor type away like this.






soo on point. but there is not happy ending on my part.


adeus.

day of borning

sooo i always thought that it was foolish for people post up their "bday gift list" or "xmas list" on their blogs or myspace or whatevs. but i can't resist! i don't expect for me to receive these items, but shhhhiiiiiitt. it would be awesome if i did!! hahaha..i'm getting way too ahead of myself. so, these are some things that best describe my taste and what consumes my life:

chocolate that's suites my needs



edible sushi is always a plus


shu uemura anything actually.

this awesome cup



dell mini 9 preferablly with the web cam and 16g memory space.


i like green stuff..



and i would like my gifts to wrapped like this.

buahaha! honestly, my list is never ending. o well.. hmmm... one day i tell you...i will have a room full of these random things!! for i will become rich from posting stupid shit like this!! just wait.. you'll see!!



happy bday to me in 3 days yeee!



adeus.

so he says..

i slept like a red-headed slut last night..


BUAHAHAHAHAAAA!! ohhh billy bildo, how i love working with you!




anyway...

i wish those were my fingers that were clamping his teets..

adeus.

and now it looks to me, she's about to leave

soooo i haven't been blogging everyday til my bday. sorrrryyy... i don't think anyone wants to read about stress and yuckiness.. so i gave it a break for a couple days and now im back on my happy feet.

i'm wearing these pleather tights thinking that it will keep all the heat in, but noooooooooo. my legs are suffering from frostbite. either way, i feel cute and i received many compliments on my outfit. which was very nice! i never get those kind of things especially from complete strangers.. and yet these strangers were oddly dressed. so maybe......yeeeeeaaaaahh.

i think there is a ghost in the women store of upperplayground. everytime i work in there, shirts would mysteriously fall to the ground and there are no customers in sight. and i would hear weird ass sounds too. i dont know maaan.. we got some upperplayground ghost haters up in this bitch.

okaaayyy...it is time for me to leeaave.




one more thing..






there's always someone watching you....


so don't pick your nose or masturbate.




adeusss.

stressssed ooooouuuutttt

_ very big fam issues
_uncontrollable mood swings
_yellow fucking boot
_curse of the bday month


i highly dislike today. i just want to enjoy this month and have a great birthday. i know i still can but today reeeeeeally discouraged me. ughhh.. CAVEAT! i am in one of those moods.


tonight's goal: plan my shit out for tomorrow

tomorrow's goal: get shit done and NEVER ever feel sorry for myself ever again.





adeus.

Thought I’d never see The love you found in me Now it’s changing all the time Living in a rhythm where the minutes working overtime

"honestly, I don't think it exists. its just a word that some random buffoon created because he was bored with his life, craving for something attainable that's some sort of higher power. its a lame excuse for people to do stupid things, have unexplainable mushy feelings & go out of their damn minds." - rachel garduque


i agree with everything except for the first sentence. it does exist, but i do believe that everyone has the wrong connotation of it. this word is certainly not always great. at times it is, but there are other times where it fucking sucks, hence my last post. people just need to accept that this word is a learning process and should not be resented. ughhh..but what do i know?

anyways...





superbowl 43...... although i not heavily into football, i believe and had been told that is will be a very great game. unfortunately, i am here at work, folding away, watching the game through numbers.. yuuuuuuuccckkkk. the good thing is, polamalu is whoopin. well.. parker and miller are doing it for the team.. i don't know where my baby troy is at =(



i just want to pull on those luscious locks....






haha. well! its the 1st of my b-day month!! and i am going to try to blog everyday till then. so be prepared for some weird, lame shit for the next 14 days!! yeeee.


adeusss.